i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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