Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
