Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
