My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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