So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
