I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
