so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
