I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
