He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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