YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
