Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
