Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
