How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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