Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
