Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
