I'm going to jail i love you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
