Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
