My nipple is on Facebook.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
