Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
