that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
