i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
