Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
