Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
