Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
