"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
