to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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