just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
not ubering you a puppy
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
