I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
