why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
