Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
