I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
