i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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