he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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