wat bout pragnant strippers??
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
