He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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