How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
