Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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