You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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