Yo dont text me then not text me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
