I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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