Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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