honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
