Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
