THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
