Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
