I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
