I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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