I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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