Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
