im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
