my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sober January is a disaster.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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