Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
