On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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